Stopping Self-Destructive Behavior

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You’re taking on too much work although your performance is deteriorating. Your spouse refused to clean up after dinner, and you let it slide even though it was their turn. The little ones are screaming and shouting and you just can’t find the strength to shout back.

Sound familiar?

Around 70% of all people, mainly women, suffer from some sort of self-destructive behavior. Sometimes, they don’t realize the impact it has on them. They’re just used to “letting things slide” to avoid conflict, or they feel obligated to go above and beyond what can be reasonably expected from them. Usually, we realize the effect of our erroneous convictions when they’ve started affecting our health adversely, and by then, it can be too late.

It is not your duty to…

…put up with anyone’s bratty children, even yours, work more than your coworkers for the same pay or keep taking over their shifts and other responsibilities without getting as much in return, do all the housework every time because it’s “a woman’s job”, take responsibility for all the repairs around the house because it’s “a man’s job”, and so on. Unfortunately, the very things that wear us down are what’s most important to us. We love our children. We love our jobs and want to get ahead. We love our spouses. We love our demanding, unreasonable parents. And so on…


Schemas are a set of destructive beliefs about ourselves and our obligations to those around us that we develop in childhood. A common one is abandonment schema, where we feel that if we don’t do what’s asked of us, no matter how unreasonable the request, we’ll be abandoned. People will think bad things about us.

Sadly, schemas giving rise to self-destructive behavior are very deeply ingrained within our psyche. If the above situations sound familiar to you, you might want to consult a psychologist.

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About the Author: Celine

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